Marriage is a beautiful thing. But it can also get very stressful at times. It is good to have the support system close by, so we don’t feel helpless. But what if your folks are far away? What if you are starting a new life at a new place? Just to share with the newly married folks, below is a short list of some Dos and Don’ts I either experienced, or observed in others. If you feel the list is too long, just remember, there is only one thing that matters – are you happy or not? If you are happy, no action required. If not, ask yourselves – how do you get back to being happy?
When there is an argument between wife and husband, how do you know who own it? The first one breaks the silence 🙂 Ego is the biggest enemy to marriage. The only way to manage the ego is, to love your spouse more than your ego. For example, when you talk to the spouse after an argument followed by a silence, then you are saying talking to you is more important than my ego.
You don’t want to make fun of your wife’s folks, dad/brother/mother/sister/friends. This is the easiest way to disrespect one, and lose your respect. And nothing stresses a husband more than a cold war between his mother and wife.
Your spouse is going to have her/his friends, some girls and some boys. She/he will continue to be on the Facebook, continue to talk to them over the phone etc. If you think you are not getting enough attention, express your feeling, but also be patient. It will pass.
If you are the husband, do the house work, change diapers, laundry, dishes, cooking, whatever, even if wife doesn’t have a job outside. It is not just to be fair, but for yourselves. When you become old, and you are retired from the job, house work will keep you engaged, valuable. If you want to start this after you retired, it will be much more difficult, than starting early, and making it part of your personality. Similarly, if you are a wife, you must learn, how to drive a vehicle, call AAA, use public transportation, run errands etc
Compatibility is overrated. No two persons in the world are alike. And when you put two people in a room and ask them to live their entire lives together, the difference will come out very strongly. If you ever thought you should get a divorce (or even worse suicide) because you think you can’t work it out with your spouse, just remember most couples go through such thoughts.
As long as it doesn’t get physical, there is scope to patch up. If your husband physically abuses you, it is very likely that he will find reasons to continue to do it. You should get help right away. Same with cheating.
One of you will be a clean freak, one of you will take too much time to get ready, one of you will tell that you will be home in 5 minutes, but take an hour. Everyone comes with their own baggage. Important thing is, can you accept each others annoyances. With that said, it is impossible for two people to come together and live, unless they are willing to change themselves for each other.
If Love is putting someone’s needs before yours, then there is no better time to show it than in the bed. Whether you really respect someone, whether you are too selfish all will come out. They call it Love Making, because the love increases between both, not one person releasing all the outside stresses on the other.
Share all your personal stuff, passwords, account information and everything. Keep them open. This is the only way you will kill the curiosity in the spouses mind. Don’t dig your spouse’s past, this will only give stress, because, no matter what, something will bug you (it’s not your spouse, it is you)
Your life at your home, your social, life at your office and your health, all are interrelated. Screw up at one place slowly creeps into other places. For example, if your job is stressing you out, don’t ignore, it could affect your family life.